In order to react appropriately in the face of conflict, you must first develop the ability to detach yourself from the fog of emotion. When you allow your responses to be dictated by the heat of passion, you lose the ability to control your frame. This type of personal power is synonymous with a stoic presence of mind. Keeping your wits about you when others are losing theirs grants you a greater clarity of focus, ultimately tilting the outcome in your favor.
So how do you develop this important ability?
You must familiarize yourself with the illusory nature of the ego by devoting yourself to a process larger than your own immediate needs and fears. This could take the form of either meditation or investment into an arena of skill. By temporarily losing yourself within the patterns of possibility, you start to become more in tune with your connection to the singularity of existence. The more you step beyond the limited nature of your ego, the more you begin to understand a greater perspective outside your own.
The goal is to create a new reference point within the mind.
This point I am referring to does not spring into existence overnight. It takes dedication and persistence to construct a solid framework outside of the ego. Once this component has been built, you can practice stepping in and out of it when facing various situations. With time you will discover just how petty the whims of your ego have been. A life lived strictly from the ego restricts you to a more childish existence.
I’ve found it helpful to picture my inner-game/emotional intelligence framework as a pyramid. A healthy pyramid has the ego as its cap, and the external reference point of neutrality as its base. This model gives greater precedence to the establishment of a solid base over the development of one’s ego. Many people foolishly try to construct their pyramids upside down by placing their egos first, making for a highly unstable foundation. When you build your life around your ego, you suffer tremendously when the external world beats upon it. Such an approach leaves nothing to fall back on.
A life lived out of the ego makes one motivated but also outcome-dependent.
A life overly detached brings peace but also apathy.
The key is to find balance between the two.
Recognize each of these perspectives as a separate reference point to be called upon at will. Utilize the hunger of your ego to move forward and achieve, then detach yourself from the inevitable growing pains and naysaying opinions of haters when necessary. This strategy is the equivalent of swapping the various lenses of your frame to optimally suit the various situations that present themselves.
The answer to solid inner-game lies not within the big picture or the immediate ups-and-downs, but within the adaptability of your form.
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